The Simple Rules Of Weasley Life
by NoBodyOfInterest
Summary: Just what does it take to be a Weasley. What must one do. How must one prepare. And how does one survive. This is Rose Weasleys with some input by Albus step by step guide to being, doing and acting like... A Weasley
1. Prolouge

**Well this is my first story and I hope you all like it hopefully I will have the next chapter up soon. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter**

As I wandered through the corridor of the Hogwarts Express I wondered if this thing EVER had empty compartments, the train was only a little less full then when it was the start of the year. When I finally came to an almost empty compartment, I found Al sitting there with his back to the door, feverishly playing with something in his hands.  
"Al?" I said nervously.  
Al whipped around, quickly stuffing whatever he was holding behind his back. He breathed a sigh of relief.  
"Oh Rose, I thought you were Lily, I mean seriously, have you ever heard of knocking?"  
"Why would it matter if I was Lily?" I asked curiously. "And what have you got behind your back?"  
"Oh this," said Al, pulling out a brown paper package, "it's Lily's Christmas present."  
"Merlin!" I said loudly, flopping down on a seat opposite Al, only to jump up again, for I had sat on a large pile of similar brown paper parcels.  
"What?" Al said worriedly.  
"I haven't got anyone Christmas presents," I said, sitting down next to Al, "and there are just so many to get!"  
"Yeah, well," Al said in a matter of fact way, "that's just one of the simple rules to Weasley life."  
"Yeah," I said slowly, then burst into action.  
"Thanks, Al!" I said hurriedly.  
"You're welcome," said Al smugly, "wait, thank for what?"  
"Giving me an idea, Merlin Al, do you have a quill?"  
Al nervously passed me one like I was a particularly vicious cut of Devil Snare.  
"Rose stop," Al said, gently grabbing my wrist. "What are you doing?"  
"Can't tell you, it's a surprise." I said, practically shaking from adrenaline. "See you when we get off!"  
I left Al, who was looking utterly bewildered, and rushed off to another compartment. The one I found was full of giggling third years but that didn't bother me, Al had given me the idea for the perfect Christmas present, a present I could give to everyone, all I needed was time. This long train journey was perfect. I stared out the window, which was covered in frost, to see the countryside streak by. This was going to be a great Christmas

**Well that's the first chapter.**

**I hope you loved it please review with comments ideas and creative criticism.**

**Well TTFN hope to have the next chapter soon. **


	2. Rule 1

**Well I hoped you liked the first chapter and I hope you like this one.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter (sadly)**

**The Simple Rules to Weasley Life**

_By Rose Weasley_

"Oh so this is what you were doing." A voice behind me said. "Al!" I shrieked getting the attention of the girls around me. "No James yes Al." Al said in his typically sarcastic tone. "Why did you do that?" I shouted standing up. "Cause you did it to me." Al said matter-of-factly. "Well the problem is now you know what I'm making for Christmas." I said regaining my ability to talk quietly "So that means I can help you let's just change this title." Al said leaning over my parchment.

**The Simple Rules to Weasley Life**

_By Rose Weasley and Al Potter_

Rule 1.

You will have to buy LOTS of Christmas Presents.

Example: Last year James bought one present and tried to give it to everyone this may have worked if the present wasn't a chocolate frog.

Example 2: Also last year Fred and Roxanne tried to magically make presents and Roxanne ended up with rabbit ears and Fred kept coughing up flowers. _ Note: Most people thought this was hilarious and that it counted as a Christmas present the only people who didn't were Fred, Roxanne and James because see above._

Example 3: Three years ago Lily ended up spending 348 Galleons on Christmas presents and got exactly that much worth of presents back.

Example 4: 5 years ago Al tried to magically copy a box of Berty Botts Every Flavour Beans. _Note: Al succeeded in doing this but and no one ever found out. Until now._

"Hey" Al said loudly, the girls around me looked at him. "I want to give the family some truthful examples of Rule 1 and that was perfect" I said "Fine if you want to do that then." Al said

Example 5: This year Rose forgot to buy Christmas presents and ended up making this list and Al kindly helped.

"Ok that's just mean." I said quietly "Hey you put down me magically copying those sweets so I put down that." Al said smiling "Oh Merlin you are annoying fine we'll keep them both on the list." I said tiredly "Fine." said Al

**Well here you are sorry about how long it took hope to have next chapter up much sooner. Please review.**


	3. Rule 2

**Well I've been trying to write the rest of this for a while inspiration has not been kind and I haven't been able to think of many ideas.**

**I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER!**

**Now onto the story**

"O.K. now we've got rule one what should rule two be?" I said looking at Al.

"Excellent question my dear little Rosie-Posie"

"Al!" I yelled once again causing the girls around to stare at us confusedly "I told you not to call me Rosie-Posie, and hello little we're the same age" I said lowering my voice as much as I could.

"But _Rose_ you are shorter than me" Al said with a grin patting me on the head.

I rolled my eyes and ducked away from his hand "but I'm smarter ALBUS"

"Playing the I.Q card that's low and Albus is a cool name better than James or Hugo or ROSE. Hey I've got an idea

Rule 2.

Someone will call you by the wrong name (one of your cousins, sisters, or brothers)

"Al that's brilliant who knew"

"Why thank y... HEY!"

"Come on let's keep writing the journey is only so long"

Al slumped further into his seat and gave me a glare which would have scared the pants off of most people but I have grown up around Hermione Weasley, Ginny Potter and Molly Weasley (the 1st) so I simply smiled back at him and resumed writing.

Example:

"Oh so many options" I said

"Yes choices, choices, choices." Al said obviously deciding it wouldn't do him any good to keep sulking.

Example: One time everyone kept calling Fred, James and James, Fred. Which is strange because they don't even look alike? In the end they swapped names. __

_Note: Yes they are insane._

"Um Rose"

"Yes Al"

"Well" Al said with a smirk on his face "everyone already knows they're insane so I don't think that note is needed"

Example 2: Hugo once got so annoyed because everyone kept calling him by the name of his cousins shouted at McGonagall when she accidentally called him Al.

_Note: He got a lot of detentions for this but on the plus side everyone called him Hugo after that._

Example 3: Dominique got so irritated that everyone called her Victoire that she cut her hair from its original hip length into a chin length bob.

_Note: Lots of people thought it looked better this way._

**Hey guys I know I haven't written in ages I found this chapter hard and I haven't been getting inspiration for this story and I can't really get many ideas for it. **

**Please review and vote on my poll for my other story I'm Serious Sirius.**

**Once again please review with complaints, compliments and rule ideas or D all of the above.**


	4. Rule 3

**I'm so sorry I keep saying I'm going to update and I never seem to you must all hate me *SOBS* well I'm going to go curl up in my sock draw and sleep for days (WHOOT Very Potter Musical for the win) wait if I did that I wouldn't update so I'll go do that after I've finished writing.**

**Disclaimer: Man I hate writing these anyway bla bla I own nothing (though believe me I've tried)**

**NOW BEFORE YOU ALL KILL ME (though it's your fault for reading all of this) ON WITH THE STORY.**

"Argh this just gets harder with every rule we make" Al said exasperatedly.

"Hey your fault for following me' I said feeling a superior grin coming across my features.

"I know" said Al wringing his hands in front of him and that's what annoys me the most'

"Hey guys" I whipped around as Al stuffed the parchment behind his back.

"Hi Hugo" Al said nervously I could see confusion and suspicion dawn on my little brothers face but being around enough crazy things as a child had taught not to bother asking.

"No Fred yes me" Hugo said although he didn't know it imitating Al's voice from before.

"Do all the people in this family have that comment plus sarcasm programmed into their brain or something?"

"Yep" Hugo said smiling "that and to not ask when people look suspicious" he gestured to us "especially when those people are James and Fred, speaking of which that's why I came here don't go out of your compartment for a while after you here an explosion there setting off dungbombs that they managed to put fireworks in."

"Thanks for the warning" Al said looking truly grateful

"It's fine" Hugo said like it wasn't anything special which in this family it wasn't "see ya guys later." With that Hugo left.

'You know say what you want about James and Fred they are amazingly talented" Al said.

"Yeah at causing mayhem." I said, Al shrugged he looked thoughtful no doubt thinking about what Hugo had said then his eyes light up.

"Your brother is a small genius" Al said.

"Yeah unlike your tall idiot' I joked then became serious again "but seriously why is Hugo a genius" I said honestly confused I mean yes my brother is incredibly smart but I wasn't aware that he had done anything particularly genius like lately.

"Think about what he said to us he practically handed us two new rules" Al said jumping up and down.

"You are so not helping me right now" I said pressing down on his shoulder to stop the mad hopping.

"And now you know how it feels" Al said smirking then realizing I wasn't going to get it grabbed a quill and wrote on the page

Rule 3:

One MUST learn sarcasm (no seriously it's necessary)

"Great job Al that's two in a row better stop now though or people might actually start to think you have some intelligence." I said

"YAY!" Al said "proof for my *cough*awesome*cough* rule."

"Yes Al" I said "I was being sarcastic whatever makes you feel better"

"Ha ha more proof"

Example:

"You know Rose we could make this an entire rule just about you if you want" Al said putting on a fake and incredibly transparent look of innocence.

"Yes Al" I said rolling my eyes "you do that I would love it."

"Rose you know you just proved my point right" he said an annoying superior grin on his face I groaned knowing he was right.

"Just keep writing"

Example: Rose.

_Note: for more information on this particular example please read the soon to be published book 'Sarcastic Things Rose Has Said' By Al Potter._

"Have you actually written that book" I said wary of some of the sarcastic things I gave said.

"Yeah but I found out I need to check it through you since it's about you" Al said agitatedly I sighed "I wrote it at first to stop myself cursing you when you said something sarcastic."

"This whole family is crazy" I said shaking my head.

"You better believe it" Al said laughing

Example 2: When Hugo was three he asked a currently very annoyed James how long till he was allowed to go to Hogwarts and James said(sarcastically) he would never be allowed to this made Hugo very sad.

Example 3: Last year Uncle Bill asked Lily how she had done in her exams Lily said she had failed everything Aunt Hermione/Mum wasn't really listening to that conversation so she didn't pick up on the sarcasm and freaked out.

"Lovely" I said.

"Yes" Al said over dramatically with much flourishing of his arms "onward my loyal subjects to the next rule." I looked around to see what the girls in the compartment thought just realizing they had left we had obviously sacred them off I gave a small chuckle at the thought.

**Well in my defence this was my longest chapter (is this stopping you from killing me ****) and I have good news for you all throughout the progress of writing this chapter I planned out all the rest of the rules (doesn't mean I don't like suggestions your ideas might be better than mine) so I if I take ages to update** **I'll give you an imaginary version of the giant chocolate bar as seen on A Very Potter Musical if you don't like chocolate your crazy and I regret nothing. **

**Now two serious notes (puts on serious face). First serious note and this one is very Sirius (oh I crack myself up) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE vote on the poll for my other story if you don't I will...uh...um...er...ah well it won't be pretty. Second serious note this one is just serious not Sirius if you like this story so much that you favourite it would it kill ya review I don't mind whether it's good or bad just review. **

**Well Toodleo then**


	5. Rule 4

**I'm back oh aren't I quick now so no imaginary giant block of chocolate for you this time.**

**Well because last time both my notes were really long I'm going to keep this short I own nothing yadda yadda now as Al said 'onwards my loyal subjects to the next rule' he he I love getting to quote my own story no seriously onwards.**

"O.K. Al what was the other rule that my brother gave you that turned him into a genius."

"Well" Al said stretching out the word a smirk playing across his face.

"Just tell me Al before I..." Al never did figure what I would have done because at that moment there was an almighty explosion in fact the very one Hugo had warned us about and I caught a whiff of the disgusting smell before Al slammed the door closed.

"O.K. Al now tell me" I said glad that was over and done with. Al just put on an oh so typical smirk and wrote on the ever lengthening piece of parchment...

Rule 4.

Don't ask questions when someone looks suspicious especially if those people are known pranksters (yes we're looking at you Fred and James)

"Al, Al, Al" I said shaking my head.

"Rose, Rose, Rose" Al said rolling his eyes.

"Al by coming up with this admittedly quite smart rule you have broken the cover of idiocy you have kept up for all your life.

"Ha ha" Al said his eyebrows raised in annoyance.

"Wait your cover is not blown because technically Hugo came up with it." I said trying to suppress a laugh.

"Yeah but I picked up on it" Al grumbled then he smiled "and you can't talk you didn't even notice."

"Yeah yeah" it was my turn to grumble Al nodded smugly.

Example: Once Teddy (technically not Weasley but close enough and he is married to Victoire) made the huge mistake to ask Fred and James what they were doing and in turn ended up being turned into a canary (ah canary creams good times)

Example 2: Often you will not get a response a time place or specific event if not really needed for this as it applies to most people most times and most events.

_Note: this only doesn't apply to Molly, James and Fred who either don't do anything to be asked about or they come up with some excuse or another._

"To true Rose" Al said nodding his head "I don't know why the grownups even try to get us to answer"__

"I know they should have figured out that it wouldn't work by now" I said.

"Well as the great James Potter the first once said perseverance can do wonders." Al said in a very accurate impression of his brother James.

"Yeah well that was his motto wasn't it" I said Al just nodded which made me laugh harder.

Example 3: Two years ago Lily made the mistake of (very loudly) asking Al what he was doing in James room when he was going to go pour cold water over James to wake him up this in turn woke James up and resulted in Lily getting very wet.

Example 4: Last year Lucy made the mistake of asking where Fred and James were going with a pile of fireworks she was found tied up in a broom closet an hour later.

"Well that's another rule down" I said resting my quill down on the chair and closing my eyes .

"Rose I just had a though how many rule were we planning on doing exactly" Al said I could just imagine the look of confusion on his face.

I opened my eyes "I was thinking around ten" Al nodded just as the door opened thankfully the smell from before had gone and the lunch trolley was here.

"LUNCH BREAK!" Al shouted probably bursting my eardrums as he leapt for the trolley.

**Well what did you think I didn't particularly like this chapter but I couldn't think of any ways to improve it so here you go but I would still love your thoughts. Once again please vote on the poll on my page I NEED the results from that poll PLEASE I'm begging.**

**By the way I would really appreciate someone to beta this story so calling all betas! **

**Well anywhomaha (that's my thing by the way) thanks for reading and PLEASE REVIEW look the button's just there you mouse is hovering over it PRESS THE REVIEW BUTTON XD. **


	6. Rule 5

**O.K. so this is my second (or first depending) update for my goal now as I was reading through my update for I'm Serious Sirius (yeah I read my own stories again because I'm just that egotistical) I noticed in my first AN I put 2 weeks and in the second I put 3 well to clear things up I'm going to aim for 3 because I realized that I was starting school and there was no way on earth I was going to be able to do it in 2 I may not even be able to do 3 weeks at the rate I going so sorry but I will try to.**

**Disclaimer: Guess what I don't own Harry Potter (Na da that's why it's called a DISclaimer)**

After Al had eaten much much more than his fair share of the food we got (he is part Weasley after all) we decided to once again begin work on the list.

"O.K. so we have done four rules you want to do ten" Al said leaning back on his seat because of giant intake of food "so we have six rules to go we have about an hour and a half left on the train we then need to make a copy of this for everyone in our family. Theeeeen we need to wrap all of them and somehow manage to fit them into your suitcase so no one sees and we need to do all this before the train ride is over."

"Yep that's pretty much the plan."

"Ugh O.K. let's just hurry up with the next rule."

"Well we can't hurry up with it till we figure out what it's going to be now can we" I said feeling an arrogant smirk worthy of Scorpius Malfoy (ugh how I hated him) already planted firmly across my features. Al however managed to catch on to who my expression resembled and told me so without hesitation laughing as he did so. "Al that is a cruel wrong and just plain evil comparison how could you think I look like that jerk."

"Rose when are you going to get over this rivalry don't say it's because he was rude because as far as I remember it was more of a mutual agreement that you hated each other. Also don't say it's family rivalry because the only people who have real problem with Malfoy are you and of course your father but that's been happening since their time at school together."

"Well Al as you said it really was a sort of agreement that we hated each other so I'm not really sure how it started it just sort of did as for family rivalry it's not my fault that all the rest of this family is so quick to forgive the Malfoy family for all that they put Dad, Mum and Uncle Harry during their school time. Also Malfoy is arrogant, obnoxious and just plain rude he doesn't deserve my kindness."I said my voice rising in anger just thinking about him.

"O.K. O.K. calm down, let's all just calm down now and let's work on the list, O.K. is that all good Rose that's fine with you, good, good." Al said in what I could only assume was the most patronising, obnoxious voice he could muster. But of course he couldn't keep it up for long so as soon as he had finished the last word he burst into laughter falling off his chair onto the floor. I swear Al is the only person I know who could possibly laugh that much at one of his own jokes.

"O.K. lets think of a rule and quick" I said picking Al off the ground.

"Yeah I suppose with all of our crazy family popping in and out of this compartment all the time will they ever come in when we expect them to." Al said waving his hands around in front of his face (he really is very melodramatic) "I have decided they plan it." He finished with a small nod of his head.

"What do you mean they plan it?"

"Think about it Rose, they come in whenever we are not expecting them there is some unspoken conspiracy so that you do not have Christmas presents for anyone." Al Said his voice very steadily becoming more and more agitated, if it had been anyone but Al (or most of our family now that I think about it) I would have been very concerned but it is Al so it is really quite normal.

"Yes Al everyone in this family is going to jump out at us when we least expect it so we need to learn to expect it all the time" I said beginning to roll my eyes but then I realized something. "That's it Al one of the probably most perfect rules for a family like ours" I shrieked.

"O.K. well I'm lost let me know when you feel like telling me what on earth you're on about."

I laughed at the dumbfounded look on his face then gave a sigh that ended in a very self-satisfied smirk "Finally the order of balance has returned." I snatched the piece of paper out of his hand and wrote.

Rule 5.

Expect the Unexpected. (Need we say more?)

"Nice job Rose good rule would you just happen to have another five on you" he said moving his head round me as though I might have hidden more rules behind me.

"No Al" I said through my laughter (Al could be very funny) "But I'll work on once we have finished this one." Al gave possibly the most childish pout I have ever seen on anyone's face then gave a small chuckle and nodded his head.

"O.K. let's get to work then on this rule."

Example: Once when James came home for the holiday and said he had got more than six different detentions in week he was _expecting_ Aunt Ginny/Mum to get very mad but because of the fact that his grades had been good and they actually were quite funny pranks she just laughed. _Note: Just because they were funny jokes and you got away with it doesn't mean you can do that all the time James or at all for you Fred._

Example 2: At the end of last year Lily asked Rose what she thought she had gotten on her exams and Rose said she had done awfully which none of will ever understand why she said that because w all =know Rose is a freakish genius.

I read the last line the last line that Al had just written on the bottom of the parchment and looked up at him with an expression of complete and utter confusion now it wasn't that i didn't know what he was talking about it's just that... "I don't know if I should be grateful or insulted by that comment.

"Rose I just called you a genius how could that be insulting in any way."

"You also called me freakish" I said raising my eyebrows.

"Rose everyone in this family is freakish to some extent get over it then embrace it you're going to have live with it either way" Al completed his little speech with a shrug of his shoulders and a 'what-can-ya-do' expression written all over his face. But really he was telling the truth so I returned the favour of shrugging my shoulders and turned back to the parchment.

Example 3: This year on James and Fred went around telling everyone about a great prank they had planned for April Fools (which they had dubbed 'The Great Prank') then when April Fools finally came round they did nothing **NOTHING! **Everyone spent the whole day looking over their shoulders and waiting for this prank to happen.

"Well I believe we are done with that rule" Al sighed as though we had spent hours on it.

"Are you sure we don't need one more example" I said worriedly reaching for the quill.

Al slapped my hand away "no Rose no we do not so just calm down, anyway you said you'd come up with another rule after we finished this one" he planted yet _another _smirk on his face.

"Fine fine lets get to work."

***Author crawls out form cave looks around for angry readers* SORRY I know I said I was going to try and do this in three weeks and it's already been more than two I will aim to do three so please don't kill me. **

**I'm not particularly pleased with this chapter but i couldn't see what i could do to make it better so there you go.**

**O.K. review contest for this story first person to review gets to pick a character to guest star in the next chapter (this can be a Weasley or not it can be any character you want but I won't be creating any OCs for this story) so happy reviewing* =D.**

***Yes I'm bribing to make you review I want more reviews so deal with it (and review) **


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